Category Archive: Temple of Bad

May
13

Temple of Bad: ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS

Break out the nutcrackers, ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS means we feast tonight!

I for one welcome our new crustacean overlords. Even if you’ve never seen ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS, you probably still know it by heart. It is the perfect model of the drive-in B-movie, a sublime mix of papier-mache creatures, suggestive sexuality, and dodgy science, with just a bit of cold-war philosophy thrown in for …

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Mar
05

Temple of Bad: KARATE-ROBO ZABORGAR

It's crime-fighting robot versus diarrhea monster in KARATE-ROBO ZABORGAR. Which one will win? And, more importantly, do you really want to know?

Well, here’s a ticklish situation: Is KARATE-ROBO ZABORGAR a bad film, or a good film trying to be bad, or a film so good at being bad that it’s actually bad? Japanese director Noboru Iguchi — the man who previously brought you such nuanced classics as ZOMBIE ASS: TOILET OF THE DEAD and the “F …

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Nov
15

Temple of Bad: BLACKENSTEIN

Joe De Sue demonstrates a keen insight into the human condition in his title role as BLACKENSTEIN.

As we’ve previously noted, in the sixties, the revolution wasn’t televised, and film wasn’t always an accurate conduit for measuring the temper of the times. BLACKENSTEIN was meant to ride the then-burgeoning wave of (duh) blaxsploitation films, reaching out to African-American audiences with a story that provided all the elements of popular cinema, yet spoke …

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Sep
26

Temple of Bad: CAN’T STOP THE MUSIC

Fashion Crimes and Musical Misdemeanors: Steve Guttenberg (right), Valerie Perrien (center) and Felipe Rose derail the disco revolution in CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC.

What if they declared a cultural revolution and nobody came? That’s pretty much the situation with CAN’T STOP THE MUSIC, the movie that was supposed enshrine disco as the musical trend of the eighties and instead wound up being the genre’s epitaph, not to mention destroying the careers of close to anyone involved with it. …

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Aug
08

Temple of Bad: SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE

David Huddleston has lumps of cinematic coal for everybody in SANTA CLAUS: THE MOVIE.

Are you hungering for a wonderful, whimsical tale filled with magic and adventure? A story that captures the spirit of the most joyous time of the year, and brings to thrilling life the legend of the man who became the ultimate symbol of generosity and good will? Sorry, we’re all out of that, but we …

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Jun
23

Temple of Bad: THE MAN WITHOUT A BODY

You Will Believe a Fake Head on a Table is a Fake Head on a Table: A gripping moment from THE MAN WITHOUT A BODY.

As best as we can determine, the producers of THE MAN WITHOUT A BODY had a camera and some film and said to themselves, “Well, we’ve got to do something with this stuff.” And the dedicated advocates of the Temple of Bad have to agree with these esteemed artistes: This film is certainly a thing. …

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Apr
24

Temple of Bad: RIKI-OH: THE STORY OF RICKY

The going gets gutsy in RIKI-OH: THE STORY OF RICKY.

In the future — and by “future,” we mean 2001 — the Chinese prison system will be stupid. Also violent, sadistic, and quite, quite unsanitary — what with there not being a wall, fixture or floor that isn’t thoroughly coated with the viscera of its unfortunate inhabitants — but mostly really, really dumb. That’s the …

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Feb
24

Temple of Bad: MAC AND ME

An E.T. knock-off gives the audience the finger in MAC AND ME.

MAC AND ME is another one of those transcendental experiences — a film so awful, a film so wrongheaded in all its aspects, a film so cynically devised and ham-fistedly executed that it practically redefines the idea of the bad film. An obvious rip-off of the Steven Spielberg classic, E.T. THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL, M&M (ironically one …

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Jan
04

Temple of Bad: MARS NEEDS WOMEN

Oh, the Sixties, was there a way in which you weren’t one of our most fraked-up decades? War, assassinations, riots in the streets, MY MOTHER THE CAR on TV — never was there a time when it more seemed that society was shredding at the seams. Fortunately, director Larry Buchanan, the mastermind behind such cinematic …

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Nov
30

Temple of Bad: STARCRASH

UnForced Drama: Caroline Munro, Christopher Plummer and David Hasselhoff confront cheesy space adventure in STARCRASH.

Italy has brought us so many wonderful things: Fellini; lasagna; Silvio Berlusconi (that last is debatable). But among the many marvels borne of those shores, truly the most wondrous has to be the knock-off film, a genre that took groundbreaking, innovative American titles and replicated them with a low-budget zeal and enough questionable technical prowess …

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